01.14.04
How Cold is It?
Picture by Michael Burton
Given the recent deep freeze Portland went through I found this quite amusing:
How Cold Is It ?
An Annotated Thermometer
*all temperatures are in (as they justifiably SHOULD be) Farenheit*
60 Californians put on sweaters (if we can find any in our wardrobes)
50 Miami residents turn on the heat
40 You can see your breath
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Minnesotans go swimming
35 Italian cars don’t start
32 Water freezes
30 You plan your vacation to Australia
Minnesotans put on T-shirts
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
British cars don’t start
Your boogers freeze
25 Boston water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Minnesotans eat ice cream
Canadians go swimming
20 You can hear your breath
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes
Miami residents plan vacation further South
15 French cars don’t start
You plan a vacation in Mexico
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
10 Too cold to ski
You need jumper cables to get the car going
5 You plan your vacation in Houston
American cars don’t start
0 Alaskans put on T-shirts
Too cold to skate
-10 German cars don’t start
Eyes freeze shut when you blink
-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects
Miami residents cease to exist
-20 Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
Politicians actually do something about the homeless
Minnesotans shovel snow off roof
Japanese cars don’t start
-25 Too cold to think
You need jumper cables to get the driver going
-30 You plan a two week hot bath
The Mighty Monongahela freezes
Swedish cars don’t start
-40 Californians cease to exist
Minnesotans button top button
Canadians put on sweaters
Your car helps you plan your trip South
-50 Congressional hot air freeze
Alaskans close the bathroom window
-80 Hell freezes over