05.08.03
Army’s voting guide for this election
My friend Amy sent a great email out to friends going over some of the candidates and options facing Oregon Voters at this month?s election. My friend Sven misread the title “Army’s voting guide for this election” and wrote this great reply. It may not make as much sense to non-Oregonians, but for me it is very phuny and worth sharing:
Misread the title line at first as “Army’s voting guide for this election”.
Hmmm…..
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Portland Mayor: George “W” Bush
Portland Treasurer: Big multi-national corporation du jour
Honcho of public schools: “Rummy” Rumsfield (he’ll put those kids back in
line)
Portland Police Chief: The Incredible Hulk
Department of sanitation: the Total Information Awareness Agency
Department of home-state security: Our personal lord & savior, Jesus Christ
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Measure 28: Vote YES for a hummer in every garage.
Measure 29: Vote YES; lowers price of gasoline; establishes “blood for oil”
program; requires donation of pint of blood each time a driver renews their
license.
Measure 30-12: Vote NO for continuing the inspections process in the state
of Washington
Measure 30-13: Vote YES to preemptively nuke Seattle
Measure 32: Vote YES to constitutionally define being black, latino, gay,
French, handicapped, homeless, or a Dixie Chick as a terrorist act.
Measure 35: Vote YES to amend state constitution to prohibit levvying taxes.
Ever.
Measure 40: Vote YES; replaces judiciary with a military court system;
amends Patriot Act to allow secretly arresting suspected terrorists for “that
naughty look”; requires criminals convicted of terrorism to earn money for
the state by working at Intel; requires state prison system to
single-handedly finance and balance the annual state budget.
Measure 43: Vote YES to allow Oregon to spend its rainy day fund on little
American flags.
Sven