Film Roar

Star Trek: Nemesis (2002)

Being the good little geek that I am, of course I had to go see Star Trek: Nemesis in the theater. Given the disappointment of Star Trek: Insurrection I came to the movie with some due sense of trepidation along with a sense of hope. Knowing the even-odd rule (the odd numbered movies, such as Star Trek III: the Search for Plot and Star Trek V: The Final Affront, suck while the even numbered ones such as Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home are decent) I had my hopes that this movie would be refreshing and interesting. Unfortunately the movie did more to support the theory that Rick Berman should be taken out back and shot.

Star Trek movies are not exactly fine art. They exist somewhere in the nether-realm of movies and flicks. They give the audience a fun ride, and perhaps something to talk about, but do not exactly elevate the mind or soul in any way. Well, maybe they can bring your spirits up, but I think most will know what I mean when I say watching a Star Trek movie is not exactly an enlightening experience. Watching and enjoying a Star Trek movie requires a certain amount of forgiveness in the part of the audience. Watching Star Trek: Nemesis I could feel that forgiveness being called at the beginning, and starting to wane about half way through. The best way to review this movie is probably with a good kvetch session:

[Warning, there are spoilers ahead, if you have not seen the movie and don't want to find out how it ends this is a good place to stop reading]

- The opening has the camera doing what is by now a tired and overused flight through the stars, to the planet, through the clouds and down to the city. This is an effect that has been done, and done, and done again. For it to be interesting anymore it requires some amount of innovation or artistry that was simply absent. I find it hard to believe that Paramount was so strapped for cash that they had no option but to fly the camera through a thick white cloud to cheat the transition from one effect to the next. To make matters worse, and as my friend Sven pointed out, the camera flies as if it had no weight. as if it did not exist. The effect is to remind the audience that they are staring at a special effect making it hard (from the establishing shot) to put out the necessary willing suspension of disbelief, and get into the movie. One point against.
- Once we are down on the planet the camera flies over the center of Romulus City and into the senate floor. Pretty cool. I can only think of one time when we have seen Romulus before, during Season 5 of The Next Generation in the two-part episode 'Unification'. I defiantly did not imaging it looking like that, but I thought the look was nice and well put together. One point for.
- Our treacherous senate member sets off a bio-bomb and kills the whole senate. In broad daylight. In the middle of the capital city. With guards at the door. Who do nothing. Right. Three points against.
- Everyone is nice and happy at the Riker and Diana's wedding. I don't really feel any chemistry between the actors, but I am reminded that Patrick Stewart kicks ass as an actor. Lets call that a point for.
- Brent spinner is looking... well, a bit worn around the edges. Data the android is looking old. Emergency willing suspension of disbelief to the rescue. Lets call that a point against.
- They cut Wesley the Weasel Crusher out of the movie. Sure I hated Wesley, but if you spend any time on Wil Wheaton's web site you know the dude is pretty cool. He deserved some screen time. Point against.
- Worf (with a hangover): "They should make Romulan Ale illegal". Riker (?): It IS illegal. That one got me to laugh out loud. Two points for.
- Enterprise picks up a positronic signal from a distant planet. Somehow they can detect the presence of this android so far away. Yet when they get there, they find a storm that is so deep they cannot transport. Too strong to transport, yet they could find the android from light years away. Wait, it gets even better! Even though they had the signal from all that distance once on the planet there is 'too much interference' to know where the signal is coming from. Point against.
- Picard's smile as he hot rods. Point for.
- The sand buggies made me think 'Just what we need, another fucking add for overly sized SUVs'. Point against.
- B4 gets assembled. Spiner does a good job of playing a mentally challenged android. Point for.
- In an inexplicable lack of common sense and suggesting Enterprise has absolutely no safety regulations they decide to hand over all of Data's knowledge (including security codes) to this droid they just found. Point against.
- A race of salves under the Romulan whip somehow manages to build a huge war machine. No one notices. Point against.
- The whole fucking empire all of the sudden decides that they are going to follow this race they have spent so many centuries enslaving because a human slave promises to go to war against earth. Lets recap: Romulans hate Remans. Romulans hate humans. Romulans see both as inferior so what do they do, they roll over and hand the empire over to a human and a Reman. Six points against. No, that is too generous. Ten points against. I chewed on this one but just could not swallow it.
- Our only female character (aside from the regular cast) tries to seduce the bad guy. Message: Men are powerful, women are powerful because they can seduce and manipulate men. Give me a fucking break. One points against for lack of originality, another four against for breaking the Roddenberry factor (see the end for an explanation).
- The female commander is very hot. I know that is shallow, but I found her sexy. Especially when she was doing battle. One point for.
- Picard and Shinzon have some good chemistry, especially when they are chatting on the senate floor. One point for.
- Diana gets mind raped. Been watching old episodes for story ideas have we? One point against.
- The mind rape had NOTHING to do with ANYTHING in the story and could not be explained for ANY reason! One point against.
- The Remans are billed as 'made soldiers'. They are supposed to be these awesome warriors, yet they all suffer from Storm Trooper Syndrome! Put a dozen of them shooting down a hallway and all they can it is the walls! The good guys? Oh they are just picking these awesome warriors off like flies. Point against.
- The big bad kick ass ship can fire while cloaked. This is the one thing we have been promised you simply cannot do. Two points against for pissing off their base constituency by reinventing the universe to suit story needs. BAD, BAD writers!
- The enterprise looks and behaves like a battle cruiser. One point for looking cools, two points against for breaking the Roddenberry factor
- I know that explosions make no sound in space but the sound of a Romulan bird of war thumping out six torpedoes followed by the deep thick bass thump of four hitting their target. Nice. Point for.
- Rather than get his bootie kicked Picard rams the Enterprise. Cool. Two points for.
- The big screen gets blown out. It looked great. Point for.
- They did it in Voyager. Once again I get the feeling the writers had a Star Trek marathon as they desperately searched for plot ideas.
- At the end of the film all that damage is easily fixed. Point against.
- Riker kicks the viceroy off a falling bridge. They may as well have spliced in the same scene from generations. It's like dejavu all over again. Point against.
- With eight minutes until all is lost Data decides to hop from ship to ship. And land safely. And find an entrance. And fight his way to the bridge. In time. Right. Point against.
- Sure we knew that Picard and Shinzon would have to go mano-a-mano, but taking a riffle and transporting over alone? Give me a fucking break. Five points against.
- Storm Trooper syndrome times eight. Eight Remans to one Picard cannot hit the broadside of a starship while Picard picks them each off. Point against.
- Picard, Shinzon and Data all share long and meaningful moments while the computer counts down all their destruction. For some unknown reason Picard does NOTHING to save his ship from the impending doom. For some reason data waits until two seconds to do anything even though he had a clean shot with minutes to spare. Unoriginal, tired, unbelievable, etc. Five points against.
- They made a fucking backup of data! What? Us kill a character? Cop out! Point against.
- We go from mourning data to the happy bliss of ever after in one easy cut. Point against.

OK, a quick explanation of the Roddenberry factor:
Roddenberry created a new future. In the 24th century we have evolved beyond racism, beyond sexism, beyond ageism, beyond war. I know it can seem sappy at times, but honestly it not only made for a great and original show with some real interest in 'the human condition' but it actually made a difference. Yes, it did. Ask someone like Whoppie Goldberg who grew up watching the original Star Trek and learned that black women COULD grow up to take a position of authority beside people of other races and genders. While the battle-ready Enterprise looks cool, it forgets the reason WHY the enterprise from the series was well lit, open, friendly... peaceful. At some point Star Trek stopped being about a better future and started being about making a buck by pushing yet another action flick out.

Rick: Gene would be very disappointed. And that is why Rick Berman should be shot.