Film Roar

Star Wars crackpot theory #3908B

After Star Wars episode II came out there was a barrage of discussions flying around various boards. They spread from the amusing to the ridiculous. Many of them centered on problems presented between the known history of Obi Wan Kenobi and the way the universe was reinvented by Lucas to allow for plot devices. I thought I would take a hand at out-doing all the theories in one amalgamated swoop.

George Lucas is assailed by one Jedi Warrior wannabe too many and is thrown into a guilt spiral over the realization of how many people he has inadvertently influenced with his sorcerer's ways. Distraught and at the verge of a nervous breakdown he locks himself into his secret underground survival shelter at Skywalker ranch where he binges on Cooler Ranch Doritos® and his treasured collection of original Star Trek episodes on Betamax. In the midst of a 'Kreamy Buttermilk Flavor'® high Star Trek Episode #41, "I, Mudd" comes on giving the deranged filmmaker an epiphany that might yet redeem him in the eyes of the Great One before the Day of Judgment. Lucas launches himself at the single pad of yellow lined paper that he used to write Ewoks: The Battle for Endor (1985) and Willow (1988) and with uncanny vile outlines the logic bomb that will be secreted in the three new films. It is a risky proposition, Lucas realizes that the faithful followers of the New ReligionT might see the fabric of his universe begin to unravel before the insidious plot hole has had a chance to take effect. "What if one of the acolytes should happen upon page 66 of the novelization and realize that crazy uncle Ben IS in fact Owen's brother?" murmurs Evil LucasT in the back of his mind. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" growls the madman to himself in the now familiar Wookie tongue, "It will succeed, it MUST succeed!... It is the only way... Only by shutting their logic centers down can I destroy this monstrous life that I have created and at last bring balance back to The ForceT!"
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Great One, The: Assimov, Issac
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Day of Judgment, The: the last day of Star Trek syndication when all of Sci-Fi will come to an end.. Nostredamus calculated this to be 2135 when HDTV would finally become ubiquitous and replace broadcast NTSC
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RETURN OF THE JEDI [novelization]
* by James Kahn
* Screenplay by Lawrence Kasdan & George Lucas
* Story by George Lucas:
Ben continued his narrative. "When your father left, he didn't know your mother was pregnant. Your mother and I knew he would find out eventually, but we wanted to keep you both as safe as possible, for as long as possible. So I took you to live with my brother Owen, on Tatooine...and your mother took Leia to live as the daughter of Senator Organa, on Alderaan." (p. 66)