FilmRoar

King Arthur (2004) is a fantasy made for role playing geeks and lovers of Keira Knightley’s midriff. [insert fog] However it makes the mistake of thinking that the fans don’t watch enough movies to tell a good one from a crappy one and will settle for big fights and crappy dialog of honor and deeds. Even worse [insert more fog here], it assumes the viewers know so little of history to put suspension of disbelief aside through loads of historical mistakes, a folly that would have been easier to accept had the movie not opened with a title card claiming inspiration from historical record [change fog to dramatic smoke]. The movie is beautifully photographed but has a plot like over-aged Swiss cheese: Rank, cheesy and full of holes.

Throughout the movie it is hard to tell whether Clive Owen’s flat expression is his signature stoicism or pure boredom with the lines he has to deliver. It is amusing to Owen (Arthur) ‘falling in love’ with Knightley (Guinevere), I think I may have even noticed him raise an eyebrow at one point but that could have been a trick of the light. The rest of his knights are all appropriately ruggedly-handsome but also seem to suffer from the understanding that the movie is bad enough that it does not deserve any acting effort [now mix dramatic fog and dramatic smoke to the point where you cannot make anything out]. They try, but what can you do when a dramatic rise in the score following a big camera sweep toward a waving flag take precedence over story. I mean it almost feels like a Jerry Bruckheimer popcorn flick… oh wait, it is a Bruckheimer flick. Well from the man that brought you Armageddon (1998), Coyote Ugly (2000), Pearl Harbor (2001) and Kangaroo Jack (2003), if your brain is addled enough to have thought those good movies then you might just enjoy King Arthur, otherwise just give this one a skip.

What could have been a very good movie, The Bridge of San Luis Rey (2004) suffers from an insurmountable lack of appeal that makes it watch able but barely memorable. The recent remake of the Thornton Wilder novel which was made into a 1929 part talkie and a later 1944 adaptation tells a genuinely interesting story. Brother Juniper (played here by Gabriel Byrne) has documented the fatal collapse of a rope bridge that connects two Andean mountains in Peru. By interviewing people who knew the five victims of the accident the monk attempts to discern whether their deaths were a punishment delivered by god or were purely accidental. The mere audacity of asking the question brings the ire of the Archbishop of Lima (played by Robert De Niro) who accuses the priest of heresy and threatens to burn both book and monk. The rest of the movie is an account of the relationships between a singer who is central to all characters (Pilar López de Ayala), a theater owner (Harvey Keitel), a socially inept Marquesa (Kathy Bates), the viceroy (F. Murray Abraham), twin mute theater workers (Mark and Michael Polish) and an AbbessGeraldine Chaplin. The impressive cast had given me hope for the movie but with the exception of a stellar performance by Chaplin and a very decent delivery by Abraham (a favorite actor of mine) there was little energy or charisma to the performance in the movie. Worse still Spain stood in for what should have been beautiful Peruvian hills and streets. The scenery and props felt fabricated not natural as does a great deal of the dialogue making for a disappointing waste of story and talent. Knowing what great things these actors are capable of I was left to wonder if perhaps a different director (the movie was directed by relative newcomer Mary McGuckian) might not have breathed a little life into the dead flop.

What could be better than a movie starring the beautiful and talented Michelle Yeoh (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)), Maggie Cheung (Hero (2002)) and Anita Mui (Drunken Master II (1994))? Sadly, pretty much anything. The top of the line cast is under shadowed by cheesy special effects (you can see the wires more often than not), wacky superhero costumes and a pathetic story of a baby-stealing demon. And just when you try to overlook these distractions and enjoy the movie a wacky electronic soundtrack that sounds like it was lifted from a royalty free demo CD kicks and ruins whatever willing suspension of disbelief you might have managed. Heroic Trio (1993) is not so bad that it should not be seen, but I would recommend it more as a movie to have playing in the background during a party than as a movie to sit down and watch.

Sometimes I wonder just how it is that the US and the world in general managed to make it past the 60s, last night as I watched the paranoid work on fear of the youth counter culture Wild in the Streets (1968) was one of those times. The premise of the movie is simple enough: Max, a charismatic young leader of a psychedelic rock band (Christopher Jones) uses his popularity to mobilize the youth of America to the streets and get the legal voting age changed to 14. The young leader then gets one of his drugged out free loving “chicks” elected to congress and from there and by putting acid in the Washington DC water supply gets himself elected president. In one of his first acts he opens “groovy chill out camps” where anyone over the age of 35 is forced to relocated to “take acid and be mellow”.

The “plot” plays like some old school republican’s nightmare fueled by fear of a youth revolution and the disintegration of all that is right and moral from unchecked drug use and free love. The movie makes little sense to anyone not high on hallucinogens but does benefit from some absurdly funny moments and a crazed performance by Shelley Winters (Lolita (1962)) as Max’s overbearing mother.

This movie was presented at a friend’s 33rd birthday party and proved a perfect counter point to the feature shown for his 30th party: Logan’s Run (1976). I have to wonder how many other titles he can present with a premise of people over 30 being hunted down by the ruling youth.

Dressed as a documentary the recent independent feature What the #$*! Do We Know?! (2004) invokes quantum mechanics and beautiful cinematography to provoke people into opening their minds and looking at the universe from a new perspective. Unfortunately most of the science in the movie is so faulty or misrepresented that the thesis of the authors seems deteriorates into a desperate attempt at rationalizing spiritual beliefs. What is worse a look behind the façade reveals the undisclosed impetus and funding for What the… comes from Ramtha’s School of Enlightenment spreading a shroud of doubt over all the material included in the movie.
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After watching Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003) from a library borrowed DVD I am so glad I did not waste any money to see it in a theater. I came to the movie without any high hopes but what I got was definitely worse than what I expected. The crap story the movie spoon fed us is an insult to the well-written B movie original and the special effects extravaganza sequel. The jokes are recycled from the first two movies and not at all funny, even the effects are anything but special. To anyone curious enough to want to see this movie I suggest you save both your money and your time and go watch either of the two over instead, you will be glad you did.

After a recent re-watching of the very enjoyable Christopher Guest mockumentary Best in Show (2000) I realized that while I know the name I could not place actress Parker Posey in any other movies. A quick search on the IMDB showed that I had only seen one other movie with her, The House of Yes (1997) in a tough role that she totally nailed. I thought it was serendipity then when I cam across a DVD of Party Girl (1995) at my local library and brought the copy home eager to see what else Posey was capable of. Now, I think Posey was probably doing the best with what she was given, but unfortunately that was not much. In Party Girl Posey plays Mary, a young New York free spirit trying to find her place in the world. The resulting character is an unlikable drunkard who goes from one bad situation to another never really growing or dong anything very interesting. Posey never manages to infuse her character with the charisma to make us care about what happens to her making the movie a rather pointless and confused mess. I think the movie was supposed to be a comedy but it unfortunately is not funny. I do hope Posey has better works in her repertoire because Party Girl is a flick to be avoided.