FilmRoar

King Arthur (2004) is a fantasy made for role playing geeks and lovers of Keira Knightley’s midriff. [insert fog] However it makes the mistake of thinking that the fans don’t watch enough movies to tell a good one from a crappy one and will settle for big fights and crappy dialog of honor and deeds. Even worse [insert more fog here], it assumes the viewers know so little of history to put suspension of disbelief aside through loads of historical mistakes, a folly that would have been easier to accept had the movie not opened with a title card claiming inspiration from historical record [change fog to dramatic smoke]. The movie is beautifully photographed but has a plot like over-aged Swiss cheese: Rank, cheesy and full of holes.

Throughout the movie it is hard to tell whether Clive Owen’s flat expression is his signature stoicism or pure boredom with the lines he has to deliver. It is amusing to Owen (Arthur) ‘falling in love’ with Knightley (Guinevere), I think I may have even noticed him raise an eyebrow at one point but that could have been a trick of the light. The rest of his knights are all appropriately ruggedly-handsome but also seem to suffer from the understanding that the movie is bad enough that it does not deserve any acting effort [now mix dramatic fog and dramatic smoke to the point where you cannot make anything out]. They try, but what can you do when a dramatic rise in the score following a big camera sweep toward a waving flag take precedence over story. I mean it almost feels like a Jerry Bruckheimer popcorn flick… oh wait, it is a Bruckheimer flick. Well from the man that brought you Armageddon (1998), Coyote Ugly (2000), Pearl Harbor (2001) and Kangaroo Jack (2003), if your brain is addled enough to have thought those good movies then you might just enjoy King Arthur, otherwise just give this one a skip.

A DJ’s work is never done in the beautiful short movie SPIN.

It’s kind of like Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989) meets Gremlins (1984)… no wait, better make that Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey (1991) meets Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990). In this Alex Winter / Tim Burns (An American Werewolf in Paris (1997)) / Tom Stern creation, Ricky (Winters) is coerced to promote an evil corporation’s plans to use a toxic chemical in South America. While en route our hero and his best friend runs into an environmentalist protestor and winds up prisoner of a mad scientist/freak show baker (played with no reservations by Randy Quaid) and is turned into a side-show freak. Weirded out yet? Wait, it gets better! Rounding our the cast are Brooke Shields, Mr. T, Bob Goldthwait, Joe Baker and (in an uncredited role Keanu Reeves. Now there is a gold-mine for playing Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.

With the new 2-disc DVD release, Freaked (1993) is hoping to become a cult favorite, and it is quirky and imaginative enough that it just might make it. The discs are well crafted and rich with extras, some of which (like hours of rehersal footage) are more filler than content. I did greatly enjoy though an early Tom Stern / Alex Winter short ‘Squeal of Death’ shot in a Tex Avery over the top style.

I doubt the movie will ever realize any wide appeal, simply because there are only so many people out there who go for leading men that keep squirting puss out of facial eruptions and a string of sight gags and puns. The reason it might hit big on a small audience though is that the squirting puss and other costumes are all terribly well crafted and the sight puns and gags are, for the most part, quite funny in an early ’80s Bob Goldthwait movie kind of way. I personally enjoyed parts of the movie, mostly marveling at the rich sets and design on what was obviously a small budget but honestly I think you have to do a lot more drugs to really get Freaked.

I just got done re-watching Joss Whedon’s Sci-Fi masterpiece “Firefly” (2002) from the first to the last episode and I feel I must re-iterate my previous advice and recommend the series to anyone that enjoys good writing, good acting and great directing. It baffles the mind how this singularly tremendous television series got the boot while crap-as-usual was kept on the air. Now more that ever I am terribly excited for the upcoming movie adaptation Serenity due out on Sept 30, 2005. Really, if you have not yet, do take the time to watch the TV show before the movie comes out.

As any regular visit has probably noticed the FilmRoar and GeekRoar (previously called The Lion’s Den) web sites have both gotten a new look. I am still playing around with the styles and presentation but am pretty happy with the look and function of both sites. The new pages load with different URLs (except for the home pages) so if you have any links you might want to update them. I left the old pages behind for the sake of not breaking old links but they will not allow comments any more. If you want to leave a comment just search for the same page on the new site.